About Thomas Coaching Game Guide Blog PRESS START

What Would Your Life Look Like If You Knew You Had An Extra One?

 

 

My story starts like most coming of age stories you’ve heard. Boy gets dumped by girl. Boy goes on fearless path to become a man. Man finds new girl, success, and lives happily ever after.

But this “happily ever after” is different.

At the height of my first coaching business, The Professional Wingman®, we were responsible for over 300 marriages and engagements, half of our clients were in relationships, and featured in every major media publication known in the world.

I got to be on TV a bunch, clients would fly me out, just so I can show them how to find love in their city. I even met my true love, and got married.

Life couldn’t have been better and I was having so much fun.

My #1 goal with The Professional Wingman was to be the best in the world at helping clients get into long-term romantic relationships through meeting women in the real world by providing realtime feedback and support.

With the results of my clients, acclaim, and acknowledgment, I hit that mark in just a few years.

I became “The Wingman.”

Then something started to feel strange.

After I became “the best,” I found myself wandering around aimlessly in search of my next move, while maintaining the success I created in my life. I was lost, without purpose, and didn’t know what to do.

I didn't have the tools or resources to figure out why I felt the way I did. I thought something was “wrong” with me. Meanwhile, as I took on more responsibility and life got increasingly more demanding, I became emotionally incapable to handle it all.

As the emotions became too much, I found myself hiding and escaping it all – my business, relationship, friends and life. I was sabotaging myself. I drank a ton, stayed out late, partied with bad crowds, didn’t take care of myself, slept very little, and was very negligent of my responsibilities.

Feeling a sense of unease, I thought changing my environment would get me out of this fog, so my wife and I moved from New York to Los Angeles.

Shortly after moving, my wife got pregnant.

In that moment, one of the happiest days of my life also was one of the darkest because I experienced an identity crisis led by a single story…

"My life is over."

In reflection, what I really did was actively mourn my death – the death of my identity. Although being a dad was something I always looked forward to, I no longer knew who Thomas was. I felt myself changing without understanding why it was happening and if I even wanted to change.

The sadness and internal chaos led me into a deep depression, my self-worth and sense of value rotting away over time.

To make matters worse, I didn't have friends who understood what I was going through. I didn't know where to go or who to talk to. I didn't even know if I could talk to anyone about this because I was taught to figure things out on my own.

I was stuck. I couldn’t figure this out on my own anymore. I stopped loving myself and instead, hated myself.

I felt so alone.

The intense emotions I kept sealed inside led me to escape even more.

I stayed out even later, drank even more, got into drugs, oftentimes getting home wasted or hungover at 6AM.

My behavior was designed to do one thing – hurt and destroy myself.

I asked myself, “why am I struggling with these changes? Why am I doing this to myself, my life, and those I love?”

Then, one night changed everything.

One night, while driving home, I fell asleep behind the wheel and crashed into a median on the highway. I was the only person in the car and thank God, no one else was involved or hurt.

However, the officer who arrived at the scene immediately suspected I was under the influence of drugs and arrested me on the spot.

It was that life-changing judgment that led me to a new story…

“If he treated me this way, then I must be this way.”

The next 24 hours in jail led me to tear down everything I felt whole, comfortable, excited, proud, and confident about myself. In that experience, I lost all connection to life. My wife posted my bail but I didn’t feel free anymore.

I became a prisoner to this new story and went further into my own self destruction, making things worse.

One day, my wife, sick and tired of the conditions of our lives, courageously spoke up and said, “I don't want to be in a relationship like this anymore. If something doesn't change, I have to leave.”

I knew it wasn't only the relationship that needed to change – I needed to change.

I needed to find a way to break free from the story destroying me and figure out how to get my life back.

It was then I realized I no longer knew how to make my life work beyond what I knew.

More importantly, the life I was living was no longer fun.

I wasn’t enjoying my life. I wasn't living a purposeful and meaningful life. I thought success would be enough, yet, I knew I was ignoring the gaping void I felt inside. The tools, resources, knowledge, and experience I had weren’t enough to get me out of this dark place and into the light.

I needed new tools and support.

I started going to therapy, then hired my own coach, explored and joined men’s groups and 12-step programs, and went to weekend workshops.

Within the first month, I…

✅ …stopped drinking, learned how to swim, and worked out everyday, losing over 15 lbs.
✅ …stopped spending time out late with negative influences and stayed home at night.
✅ …released dark emotions I was hiding and practiced unconditional love for myself.
✅ …stopped focusing on what I could get and instead, looked at what I could give.

Within 3 months, I…

✅ …changed my most negative habits through journaling my thoughts and behaviors.
✅ …developed friendships and powerful bonds with other men like me.
✅ …was taking my wife out on a date every single week to rebuild our connection.
✅ …was sharing my experience of wellness with friends, other men and in groups.

Within 6 months, I…

✅ …was meditating 15-20 mins. each day and established a connection to my spirituality.
✅ …was constantly breaking out of my comfort zone, doing things like stand up comedy.
✅ …renewed my vows with my wife with a connection that’s better than ever.
✅ …began getting paid and made money equal to my self-worth.

In other words, I became a completely different person. I was a better father, husband, and man. These are only some of the dozens of things that have happened…

The support I received helped as they gave me the tools, resources, and accountability I needed in the very first step in living a better life – loving myself again.

I became more capable of handling the emotions I went through every day as a human being, let alone a man who is married, has a child, and runs his own coaching practice.

But at one point, I realized I was just DOING these things because it felt necessary for my survival.

I still wasn't having real fun.

Why couldn’t I have fun being who I am and live a successful life? Can the path to success actually be fun? Does it HAVE to always be serious? I was questioning everything I was told about how life was supposed to be.

So I went on this journey of what joy and happiness looked like in my life. That's when I rediscovered my first love, video games.

Gaming has always been my passion since I was a little kid. But growing up, I was bullied and told stories about why video games were not good for me.

Even in my twenties, people would say it was a waste of time:

“If you’re a real businessman, you’d stop being negligent towards your business and career.”

I allowed those stories to be my own and drifted away from gaming, but deep down I knew it was the one thing that always brought me joy.

So I made bold commitments that put gaming back in my life, with the idea it would rejuvenate my joy.

It led me to a major milestone, entering a regional gaming tournament, something I wanted to do when I was 18 years old when they didn’t exist except inside my dorm room in college.

I entered this tournament not knowing much about the rules, game play, and even the competition. And while I performed well for a first-timer (33rd out of 117 players) what was more important was the amount of unfiltered fun I had. It allowed me to experience unbridled joy in a way I had never experienced in my life.

In this new state of joy, I wondered if there was a way to take the concept of gaming and joy, what I’ve been taught by my mentors, and combine it with all the things I've learned over 12 years as a coach. The question became…

How can I use this to make the rest of life a game?

A game I can have fun playing. A game where my life can be full of joy AND results. A game I can win.

So I developed a transformational GAME designed for me and guys like you to win. It’s a game that completely transcends the old thinking we were taught about success AND happiness.

Fast-forward to today, I…

✅ …am in the best shape in years, can handle the emotional ups and downs life wants to throw my way, and am deeply connected to my purpose and spirit.
✅ …have amazing and supportive men and women in my life with who I get to go out and enjoy incredible, life-changing experiences.
✅ …have a loving, connected wife, who I still go out on dates every week, have sex often, and can have all types of conversation with without fear of rejection.
✅ …am a thought-leader in my industry, contribute tons of value to people’s lives, and have the success of my clients and my business to show for it.

Growing up, I was taught how to be successful, but never taught how to be happy.

In fact, like you, I was taught the key to happiness was through success.

The problem is when you look back, what sacrifice did it cost you to have success?

In my experience, it was all of it. No matter whether I got the girl, the money, or even the influence, there was still a gaping void inside of me that knew I needed something else.

And it had to come from within.

When I shifted and decided to make joy the priority, the result ultimately became my greatest success.

I invite you to play this GAME along other men because success AND happiness is a lot closer to you than you think.

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